Hello NASA, Richard Branson and anyone else who might be reading this; I’m Jon, and although I might not seem like the ideal candidate to be shot into space for tourism (or scientific) purposes, I’m about to outline why I’d be an invaluable part of any future space crew.
I like monkeys
Based on a small amount of research (Planet of the Apes and space race documentaries) it seems as though space is crawling with monkeys. Chances are these monkeys have become hostile, so someone who shows them a little bit of respect and understanding could be very important.
I have seen pretty much every space movie
Who needs years of training, endless flight simulators and strict psych tests when I’ve already lived vicariously through every possible space disaster. I basically know how to space walk, fix broken antennas, attack enemy ships with lasers and listen to George Clooney’s pointless stories. I’ve learnt how to guide an Apollo rocket back to Earth and I know what it takes to journey into the sun.